I can’t believe it has been almost seven years now and I am still standing and stronger than ever. And although it has been a rollercoaster of strong emotions and extremely hard work, I’ve made it. I know that everything is possible to achieve on what you set your mind. I am a living proof. Seven years ago I finally made a decision to become my own movie director and I granted myself a leading role. No more playing a supporting role only in my own movie.
When I was left alone with 3 children, heartbroken, with no house, no money, a new job in a new country knowing only one person who I could turn to, it felt like standing naked in the middle of the city. So vulnerable the wind could almost blow me away like a leaf. It should have been my own country, but returning to it after more than 20 years of living abroad, it felt like a foreign country anyway. Even my family, that lived quite far, weren’t really welcoming me with open arms… Let’s be honest, a woman with three kids, alone, could be in need of help and support. Not very attractive status.
I didn’t have much idea what I was doing, all I knew I had to succeed. Not only try, but really win it. I knew if I had lost, I’d have made everybody else a winner. But that wasn’t on my agenda. I was determined to win. And while I was trying I didn’t realise I was winning over and over…
I was always a sport, so my strong mindset knew what to do. If you could do 30, you can do 31… I kept telling myself.
My focus was on my priorities. To live through the day and then another day and then yet another and to try again, and again. I was pretending I was brave, while I was crying my eyes out through sleepless nights. But in the morning I dressed up, got my kids ready, put a smile on with my make-up and carried on as if nothing happened.
In my new job, and it was a new job after 13 years of being a stay-at-home-mum, I felt totally lost, almost like an intruder. But I needed the job so I was determined to learn, absorb all the knowledge, make a success of my new life and prove all the people, who were not in my favour, wrong. But not only for them, I needed to prove it to myself again and regain a self-esteem and so brutally damaged confidence and self-worth.
And this is just one take of my long movie. A take that captures how you can develop from negative experience, how you can win despite hurdles and big challenges and you can proudly stand your ground even with painful battle scars.
When I look back I wonder how boring or sad my movie would have been without any of it? If I didn’t leave at the time to start anew, I’d have to rewrite the script to keep me in my supporting role. Something I wasn’t prepared to do anymore. I knew I only had enough film for one take only. I knew I had to make it work and make it my own. And I luckily woke up early enough to realise I was to be my own movie director, that this was my own movie and I had to take the lead role too.
Time to realise it is your life, your movie and you need to start owning it!
Be your own movie director, be your own photographer, scriptwriter and take the leading role too. Don’t settle for anything less. Be brave to take the charge of your movie as we all have only enough film for that ONE MOVIE with no room for rehearsals, cuts, edits or amends.
You owe it to yourself to be your own movie director in your own movie.
So be it!
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Wishing you all the best!
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