I have just opened fifth champagne.
(The fifth!! That was five years ago?) Five years since I had decided to go my own way, to free myself from an idea that my marriage is beautiful. Five years since I said that it is the prime time to do things differently and when leaving my husband was ever so painful with a huge ache in my heart, because I still loved him. But I wanted to be loved and happy too. And I have not been for a long time anymore.
From Rome to Bratislava…
It seems to me like yesterday, when many people were lifting their eyebrows over my decision, shook their heads, or literally didn’t wish me well. They even tried to discourage me as if living my own life by my own rules was something criminal. But I didn’t need just a shelter. After all, even the roof over your head can leak if you don’t keep it in shape. That did not guarantee me happiness, that warm feeling in my heart.
About time to realise that only I can change my world and only I alone,
no one else is interested in me or my problems. The only responsible for my current situation is me alone, but I am also responsible for my tomorrows. Thus, tomorrow will be a result of my today’s decisions. I see. How do I decide today? My today’s decision shall create my tomorrow.
I immediately grabbed a pencil at 3 am in the morning when I again could not sleep and not even another glass of red Montepulciano helped.
Thus, PRONS and CONS …
and I wrote everything. Everything!!! Did not overlook anything. A while ago I heard that it is supposed to be done if someone’s a dilemma, I just thought there was no need for me. Yet I know now, right? I wasn’t prepared for an incredible surprise. How could I be ignoring signals and for so long? The result was really terrible. Appalling. I stared at it for a long time, read over and over, studied it again and again until I finally cried myself to sleep on my full of snot pillow.
In the morning I drove children to schools and kindergarten and I would not divert my attention from my latest discovery anymore. The only thing I had on my mind was how to get from point A to point B and fast.
The point A is my current situation while the point B is my future.
It’s amazing how the brain thinks under pressure. The thoughts just shoot through you. It can come up with such solution, that it wouldn’t normally.
And in a few days my plan was born.
Two weeks later I started to distribute my new resume, the following two I had my first reverted email in the Inbox, then the first telephone interviews, a month later already a ticket for a personal interview purchased and in another two I had signed the contract. Meanwhile, I studied with Google my newly chosen realm, I printed a map, picking out where I’ll probably live, choosing a school for children in the vicinity. Suddenly it all happened. So very fast. Again, I was convinced once you make a decision the endless possibilities appear in front of you, you simply start noticing them. And your only job is to pick them like from a catalog, literally.
And so here I am.
I made it. Bratislava calling. After the interview I hadn’t even got off the plane at the airport Roma Ciampino when I found two missed calls. I immediately knew that this was my future employer and that my dream life was about to start. I dreamed about it over the years, particularly intense in recent months. Imagined every detail. Even what I would dress to work, what would I cook, eat… simply ready to start my new adventure. Don’t take me wrong, the offer was not immediately for five thousand euros per month, but it did not matter. This was only the beginning, I said to myself. My primary goal, as well as a major step forward, was to find a job. To start learning and earning. The rest I will think of and solve as I walk. Step by step.
Finally, after years I was standing on my own feet,
I have my own resources, I alone decide how to deal with them, how to invest them or spend them. I no longer need to feel inferior because I am “just” a stay at home mummy. I have a wonderful feeling of freedom, fulfillment and self-esteem newly found. It is again ME. Free, responsible, purposeful, resourceful, adventurous and mainly smiling again. Simply happy.
My priority is to be happy and see my three beautiful children happy.
Children are happy when they see their mummy smile, not tearful, worried or afflicted. I owed them. I am enjoying my freedom and doing what makes me happy. Seeing my children grow, learn and know that they are ok, when things get tougher. Knowing that where I chose to live there is a room for personal growth, there are many opportunities to move forward and opportunities to change when things stop working or become insufficient.
Because of my experiences and courage
I gained a lot of clarity in different areas, whether from living abroad or as an adventurous child, free young girl, wife, mother, as well as single again and starting from scratch all alone with three children at my age of 40.
Bless 🙂 🙂 🙂
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