I’ve been called already everything. From hyperactive, crazy, party animal, workaholic, mad, adventurous, indomitable, attention seeker, too distracted, too energetic, too confident, wild… I’ve been given so many labels already I stopped counting. In the end, I am it all, I do admit. If I laugh, I laugh my butt off, if I cry, I cry my eyes out. I am too much, simple as that.
Nothing’s wrong with freely expressing yourself. Nothing’s wrong with wanting to feel the life to the full. Our feelings and emotions are guiding us.
I was actually once at work invited to a 1:2:1 meeting with my superior, just for her to tell me that: “Stania, you are too much”. I asked her: “but what do you mean, I am too much”? Although I knew what she meant, I just wanted to see what explanation she can come up with, if she even had a clue about the meaning is rather than just being uncomfortable in my presence and having the power of a peer to object it this way. She couldn’t explain it, of course. So I asked her again: “is it a complaint or a compliment? Of course, it was a complaint, but I was still curious to see her struggle with finding decent answers. To my defense, I added: ok, I am too much because I compensate for the colleagues that are too little. For those in “zombie mode”, for those who live like they died at 25, who hide behind their screens scared to even look up and give you an eye contact. For those who buried their dreams and goals the day they signed the contract.
Why wouldn’t I be too much, why would I want to settle for anything less, and especially if presented and objected in that way? And, what did it have to do with my work performance anyway? Why didn’t we talk about my possible career and growth with the company and using my “too much-ness” as my strengths rather than unreasonably putting me down for it? What was I compared to, to whom, and in what box did I need to fit? What formula was to follow? Any?
I was born already as “too much”, always have been “too much” and I’ll be even more “too much” in the future as I love my life. I am in love with my life. What more, I am obsessed with life! Why wouldn’t be I? Why would anyone want to be less than too much?
I obsess about myself, I obsess about my children, about health, wealth, well-being, education, work, look, friends and people I adore, about my pets, my future or even some materialistic stuff. If I don’t feel passionate about something, if I don’t start obsessing about it, I get bored soon and it’ll show, the interest will drop, the attitude will start changing and it’ll go down. No way my attention would stay on course if I don’t obsess enough. I need to feel butterflies in my belly even when I do simple things, otherwise I don’t go and find five other more interesting activities to replace it. It needs to feel good, or it must go.
Life is a miracle, everything I look at is perfect. It is fascinating to observe it and it’s easy for me to feel excited about any magic of life. And totally don’t care if I’m too much, too excited, too obsessed, too … any label. It is my interpretation of life, they are my feelings and my emotions, simply it is my life so let me live it, experience it and love it or hate it my way.
My life is on my terms and my terms only, whether YOU like it or not, whether you are my boss or my child.
I choose love, I choose passion and obsession and I choose TOO MUCH of it. I love my FREEDOM in every form and I’m going to pursue it whether you agree with it, think I’m deserving it or am worthy of it.
And you choose nothing less than TOO MUCH of Love, Passion, Obsession!
And if somebody feels intimidated or threatened with your too-muchness, change the room.
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