For many years I used to hate her, but hate her with passion. I’d rather not think about her or I would get in a rage. Luckily for her, she lives far away and even though I knew exactly where and on some occasions I considered to visit her, I never did. I just couldn’t guarantee my behavior and the outcome of it if we ever stood face to face. I’d be like a warrior, somebody would have to die. But because I love my life and my health, love my children and know they need me more than the thirst that I wanted to extinguish, I stayed cool.
I hated my ex-husband for leaving us, leaving me with 3 small children… for her. Although it wasn’t exactly like that, she certainly played her big, not so innocent, role, she wasn’t the reason for our separation. She was just one of the… It wasn’t fair. I spent years thinking about how anyone can do it. To give someone a promise of a family, creating a family and then just leave, in the middle of everything, voluntarily, happily.
Words can not describe how I felt, how our children felt every time he mentioned “her” in front of them, every time he addressed her as a woman he loves and for which he could not see them sometimes for months and months, let alone contact them to ask them how they were… it was incomprehensible for us. Especially when that other one was married with 2 children the same age as my younger ones, with very tolerating husband, it seemed.
It took me a while to understand that NO SANE person would want to hurt another person on purpose. I was wondering and trying to think what the other person must be going through, what turmoil and how unhappy it must be to be able to do such “crime”. Programming how to break somebody else’s family, insisting and persisting on tearing out a loving father from his children and a loving husband from his devoted wife, was nothing but pure unhappiness, driven by ENVY.
Many people were suggesting all kinds of things to revenge it or just to do something similar to her. I could not. I knew what my children went through, I didn’t want her children to suffer the same or even half of that, as they carried no blame. There was enough hurt already. Plus I believe in karma and know that everything you do in life it’ll come back to you in the same measure. In other words, I knew I did not have to get my hands dirty, waste my time but rather concentrate on myself and on moving on.
Today I could say I got my satisfaction. Firstly, they could never properly contemplate their love affair and live a full and normal life as partners, as her husband never left her or their beautiful family home where my ex could go and live happily ever after. In the end, it was him who renovated their home himself, on our expense. Secondly, he betrayed her too, that was his style apparently, and moved onto a new lover, prettier and younger, leaving her totally heartbroken, ego stricken, rejected, bitter woman who’s shamelessly and publicly now throwing tantrums and temper on social media.
I never wished her to suffer more than I suffer or her poor children and her husband, it would certainly not take my suffering away, serve or changed anything. And deep down I knew she wasn’t the reason of our separations anyway, only the accelerator.
So I forgive her, not because she deserves it, but because she will need my forgiveness. I don’t know her background and what demons she is still chasing. Only someone truly unhappy or unable to be happy can do harm to others.
I am not like her. So I wish her fast healing, love and happiness. As only when she is loved and starts loving others as she loves herself, she may contemplate what she has caused, start healing the world around her and be able to be happy.
I forgive my ex because I know him, I know who he is, his strengths and his weaknesses. I wish him a lot more strength as if he was a stronger man, he would never allow bad things upon his own family, but he would always protect it and provide for it. So I wish him to get much stronger.
And first of all, I FORGIVE MYSELF. Forgive for not being able to forgive earlier. I forgive myself because I deserve peace and because I LOVE MYSELF and I know that’s the best gift I can give myself.
Being able to forgive is something that we don’t do naturally or are able to do easily. Only thanks to my mentors I was able to move forward in my life and not dwell on the past. They teach me how important it is to forgive in life for our own sakes, to understand that whoever and whatever we were before should not determine who we want to become and what we want to achieve in the future. To continue dreaming big, to be courageous to the point our dreams scare us and take us out of our comfort zone. To push forward no matter of our past. As only then we could experience real FREEDOM and peace. And freedom has a price, the price of forgiveness. But the gratitude from it is worth it. I am being able to start feeling free thanks to the program they provide that accelerated my journey of understanding the true meaning of forgiveness, freedom and peace of mind. And if you find yourself stuck, try their modules, they might be able to help you too.
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