I didn’t know that. I thought that to be happy you need to put your needs aside and just give give give.
I thought I didn’t matter. I thought that as long as my kids’ needs are met, my husband’s, then maybe my parents’, nephews’ or sisters’, or even my dogs’, only after I come and can start doing something for myself. And of course, by then it was too late, no time, no means, no energy, no money, no will. A mess. And I had difficulties to forgive myself even the smallest mistake or wrong decision. I would torture myself with analyzing ‘whys’ and how I didn’t mean to hurt anybody. Of course, I didn’t, I just didn’t know any better.
Well, nobody told me otherwise.
I thought to be a good person, being a good wife and a good mom, that’s what it takes, otherwise, I would pass for a selfish and uncaring. I thought that was the right way.
Wrong. I was giving selflessly. But while I was giving and everybody was taking, I was burning out. Slowly I started realising this isn’t the way. That nobody really appreciates me being a Cinderella or cares really about it. That there’s no need to be this way. People that loved me, wanted me to be happy too, not worn out and tired after I have served everyone else while I alone was looking or feeling like crap.
Only now I understand why on a plane in an emergency I need to put a safety mask on myself first before I apply it onto my kid, which until now it seemed crazy to me.
And then my best friends tell me: “Be selfish” and start looking after yourself. Love yourself first. Your kids are not going to starve to death just because you took some time off. It doesn’t matter if the house is messy, nobody is going to remember it tomorrow. But what they are going to remember is the good times they’ve had with mama being happy and laughing, rather than having perfectly organised household, but everybody stressed out. And yes, everybody, as if the mama is stressed, everybody gets a piece of shit too :-D.
And gosh, was she right???
So I am learning to love myself first, to accept myself, to be kind and respectful of myself. Yes, especially respectful of my hard work, my sacrifices, my battle scars, respectful of my health and wealth, but even my dreams, ambitions and my goals.
Love yourself like there is no tomorrow. Be selfish, your needs need to come first!
Your passion is the motor that drives you to be happy and only when you are happy, you can make the world around you happy too.
Have a great day and remember to LOVE YOURSELF FIRST (and have some chocolate and strawberries, and wine)